


Mutually Assured Destruction

by Trill



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Tasertricks Winter Exchange, fluffy mcflufferson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 03:37:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trill/pseuds/Trill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy's stuck babysitting so Thor can go out with Jane, but it's too late to break her family's plans. So, she brings along The Guy Who Previously Tried to take over the World. What's the worst thing that could happen?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mutually Assured Destruction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [philyra91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/philyra91/gifts).



> Written for Philyra-dreamhouse on Tumblr for the Tasertricks Winter Exchange, based on her prompt of "Winter Wonderland". I hope you like it!

 "Nope." Darcy stares, "Besides, I have plans tonight." 

"Please, Lady Darcy, I would not ask if-" 

"Brother, I have no need of a babysitter-" 

"Seriously? That's your argument?" Darcy is agog, staring at him from the doorway of her tiny studio apartment. The dingy hallway's ceiling is too low to hold a Norse god, and his blonde hair is brushing the ceiling and his shoulders hunch slightly. "I don't need a babysitter DESPITE the fact last time I was here, I TRIED TO DESTORY THE PLANET?!" 

"Well, clearly, I have reformed." His tone is dry as he spreads his hands before him, gesturing to himself. Darcy has to admit he's at least dropped the leather look- the lean god's dark hair is pulled back nearly, and he's in black jeans and a green sweater- cashmere, if her college knitting knowledge is still rattling around up there somewhere. He looks like he belongs on a campus writing shitty poetry, and not at all like someone who tried to take over Manhattan last year. 

"Reformed. Right. Because there's an evil genius suppor-" She stops as Thor starts to reply and just as Loki opens his mouth. She cuts them both off with a low groan, "Why, Thor?" 

"Well, I have not seen Lady Ja-" 

"No. I am not your interdimensional babysitter for bootycalls." 

Twenty minutes and those goddamn puppy dog eyes later, she was. 

* * *

She stared at Loki, who's sitting on her teal couch, picking over the array of magazines laid out on her tiny coffee table. He seems too big for her small studio apartment, his long limbs folded beneath him. "This is not going on my resume."

"Hmph.' He picked up People, turning those blue eyes on her, "You think me proud of this? Reduced to being tended by a mere mortal?" 

"Hey. I work at SHIELD. Also, no one invited you to this pity party." Technically, she has an internship while she finishes up her degree at NYU. But she has a name badge and spends time at Stark tower with the team, so she's going to count it as Working At Shield. 

"But you make it look like so much fun." His tone is dry, and he goes back to looking at a photospread of the latest Hollywood couples.

She studies him, considering her options. Backing out of her plans was not an option. Killing him was unlikely. Asking Tony to babysit instead would likely level the city, and no one else owed her a favor.  "...Shut up. We're leaving in ten minutes." 

"...what?" 

* * *

"If you even look at my family funny, I'm pushing the button." She held up the doohickey Thor had left her, it's green button glowing faintly in the back of the cab. It had taken her 45 mintues to get ready, disapearing into her bathroom with a variety of outfits. He'd spent the time reading People. And, she's pretty sure, figuring out how to kill her with everything in her apartment.

"I could simply remain at your apartment-"

"Nope. You get more than fifty feet from me, and Thor comes and gets you. And you'll be interupting, so he'll be super-pissed and then I'll have to explain that you're a douchebag, which he already should know, but your negative qualities seem to have escaped hi-" 

"He always has had a thing for human women-" 

"Nope. No talking bad about Jane, either. Or killing anyone. Or making fun of my family." 

He let out a groan, turning to watch the city go by out the window, "What do you plan to do with me for the next six hours?" 

She'd given the cabbie an address in Jersey, and the man's eyes had lit up with the prospect of a large fair on a pretty dead night in the city. It was chilly, and Darcy was wearing her favorite hat with the ear flaps, her glasses fogging with the cold. 

“Winter Wonderland. I wasn't lying when I said I had plans, jackass." 

"...what in the nine realms is Winter Wonderland?" 

She smirks, turning to look out her own window, "You'll see. Will you be warm enough in that?" 

The look her gives the back of her head could kill (and would, likely, had Thor and Odin not bound his powers up so tightly). As if she can feel his glare, she laughs, her blue eyes sparkling as she turned to look at him in his sweater and jeans, "Right. Well. I'm not sharing the peppermint schnapps." 

"I have no-" 

"Hush." 

* * *

Winter Wonderland, Darcy had explained as they'd gotten closer to the state line, was all that was right with the world. It was a Christmas Tree Farm slash light display slash Santa's village slash holiday fun park- essentially, a giant Holiday trap. Loki is fairly certainly his sister would be hardpressed to find a better depiction of hell.

"We come every year. It's tradition- it's pretty lame, but it's the best funnel cake in the world. They also fry shit like oreos and bubble gum, but the funnel cake. Man. It's even better than the stuff you get at Stark Expo or the New Mexican state fair," She tells him as they walk up to the giant, inflatable front gates. The trees above them twinkle, bare limbed and thick with white fairy lights. The high schooler working the front gate barely looks at them as he takes their money and hands back two tickets. Darcy hands him his, her breath white in the cold December air, "Not that you should ever go back to New Mexico. Even for the funnel cake. Your brother is paying me back for that cab, by the way." 

Loi shrugs, dismissive. He inspects the bright red ticket in his hand, a smudged santa graphic taking up most of the page. There's quite a crowd gathered just within the gates, mostly families. There are harried mothers chasing small children while older siblings try to look cool next to giant santas and bright Christmas trees. A few fathers are trying to convince their families to pose, while trail behind, offering fallen mittens and talking about the good old days. (Protip: It is impossible to look cool at Winter Wonderland. Darcy had tried. She is a veteran of this brightly colored and overly festive war, and the only way off the battlefield is through it, kids. And no one looks cool.) 

"Aren't you-" 

"Old for this? Yes, Loki, everyone over the age of five is too old for this. But it's tradition, and my nieces and nephews love it, so-" 

"You're trusting me near children?" He looked up from his ticket, frowning. 

"Big magic button, remember?" She holds it up, and it's the size of a keyfob. He can see the Asgardian magic curling around it, and his lip curls into a sneer. 

"Yes, but-" 

"Don't ever think of trying anything, as Uncle Thor loves those brats and you know the rest of the team would be here in a heartbeat and-" 

"I would not." His voice is quiet, and Darcy is slowing to do a doubletake, when-

"Darce!" 

"Heath!" She beams, grabbing the wrist cuff of Loki's sweater and pulling him over to a very blond family. 

"Is this the reason you haven't been answering my calls, little sis?" The man, big, blond- and reminding Loki far too much of Thor- pulls Darcy into a hug. For a few moments it's chaos- small children hugging her legs while her other brother tuts and her father mentions how good she's looking and her mother hugs her tight and tells her she's lost weight, and is she working too hard? 

Darcy thinks she's successfully sneaked Loki into the thrall when her mother steps back and clears her throat, "And who is this young man?" 

"Her boyfriend, Loki Laufeyson," Loki offers a hand, his smile an oilslick, "And you must be Mrs. Lewis. Darcy's told me so much about you." 

Oh shit. 

She's going to have to kill him. 

* * *

"You didn't have to do that," She hisses as they walk just behind her family, trailing them out to the brightly lit 'Christmas Choo Choo'. In the chaos, Loki has learned that she's the youngest of three siblings- Collin and Heath being her older brothers, each with a wife and either two or three small children. There's a few cousins, and they are wandering Winter Wonderland like a horde rather than a family. It's a bit like getting swept up in a current, and he gave up on trying to keep track of conversations two football arguments ago.

"I know." 

"I have a cover." 

"I know." 

"So why-" 

"I'm on my best behavior, remember?" 

"Best behavior is not pretending to be my boyfriend!" 

"It got me hot chocolate." He raises the styrofoam cup at her as if it's a good reason. 

She growls low, "When I tell them about our break up, I'm telling them I was just your beard while you figured things out." 

He waves a hand at her dismissively, and sips his hot chocolate, “I wouldn't be the first one to do so, I imagine.” 

She makes a noise between growling and choking, and walks faster to catch up with her nephews. He smirks to himself. 

* * *

They wind up squished together with Anna, the youngest Lewis child, on a tiny train. Darcy keeps a smile plastered on her face the whole time, and he finishes his hot chocolate with a smirk on his face.

* * *

“This is all your fault,” She tells him on the hayride.

He plucks a strand of straw from her hair, smiling. 

* * *

“I am sending copies of this photo to the entire S.H.I.E.L.D. organization,” She tells him through a strained smile, her head crammed into the Mrs. Clause portion of the photo cut out. Her mother is adjusting her camera for the third time, and her nephew is complaining about being an elf and Anna keeps grumbling about having to be a reindeer so she keeps purposefully squeezing her eyes shut and ruining the photo.

“You wouldn't.” Loki stated, half-crouched so he can be Santa, bracing himself against the thin plywood. She growls, and is about to answer him when he interupts, “You're in the photo, too.” 

“I have photoshop.” 

“Yes, but it's SHIELD.” 

She considers their computer division, and then sighs, “...checkmate, then?” 

“I prefer to think of it as mutually assured destruction.” 

“Right.” Her mother finally snaps the picture.

* * *

Her cheeks are bright red from the cold, and he didn't know someone could laugh so much over such stupid things.Her brothers looked nothing like her, and all through the trail of lights the children had been fighting over who got to hold Aunt Darcy's hand. He'd taken it after the first scuffle, gripping her gloved hand in his bare one. She'd given him a strange look, but hadn't commented. They'd been walking through the lights hand and hand for the last fifteen minutes, the children a cluster of ducklings behind him.

“Do you have stuff like this is Asgard?” 

He laughed, and it's bitter, “Not precisely, no.” 

“...Right, bad question.” 

“No, just- irrelevant. I'm here.” 

“I wouldn't say something tha-” 

“Darcy!” Anna pointed, and Loki looked up to realize they're standing under the final archway that led back to the main drag of plywood-fronted shops, “Mistletoe!” 

Darcy says a word under her breath that startles him into a laugh, and that Anna should never, ever repeat. Or tell Grandma that Darcy used it. 

Ever. 

“That's okay, Anna-” She moves to face Loki and Anna, her hand still clasped in his. 

“You have to kiss.” Anna narrows her eyes, and she looks so much like a tiny Darcy that Loki finds himself grinning involuntarily. 

“We do?” He raises a brow at the mini-Lewis. 

“It's tradition.” Anna stated sagely, interupting the beginnings of Darcy's babbling. 

Darcy groans, and brushes her hair out of her face with her free hand, “Tradition. Right. Close your eyes.” 

“Mutually assured destruction.” Loki repeated, loosening his grip on her hand. To his surprise, she doesn't let go. Darcy leans in to kiss him on the cheek- and he, eyes open, catches her mouth, free hand coming up to bury itself in her curls, an urge he's resisted since the hayride. 

She gives a surprised grunt- but she's kissing back, jerking his hand back so he's forced a step forward, pressed against her. 

“Oi! Keep it PG, kids- Winder Wonderland-” Heath smirked, coming up behind them. 

“Hell.” Darcy stared at Loki, ignoring her older brother. 

He smirked, and his breath was like fog in the cold air. 

* * *

She's standing in line with Laura, her neice anxiously waiting to see Santa before they leave. She's trying to figure out how to text Jane for advice without Thor accidentally reading it, when Loki, who had been hanging out on the edges of the fifty foot limit comes up beside her. He's carrying a thin paper plate of funnel cake, the bright pastry smothered in powdered sugar. She fumbles her phone back into the coat of her jacket, frowning at him, “Er-”

“Here.” He shoves the plate at her, and she nearly drops it. 

“Thanks..?” She tells his retreating back. 

* * *

The cab ride back to the city is silent.

He waits until they're within city limits to speak, “You didn't use the button.” 

“...no.” She fidgets with the bottom of her coat, looking out the window. He can see her studying his reflection, and doesn't comment. The silence stretches for three blocks. 

“...Am I still gay after we break up?” 

“...I'm thinking.” 

Before he can think to ask her what of, she's reached across the cab, her mouth hungrily finding his.

He can still taste the sugar from the funnel cake on her lips. 

* * *

Of all the faults Loki can attribute to Thor, the man is never late. At midnight on the dot, there's a knock on Darcy's door. She sits up, readjusting her bra with an eye on the door. 

“Tonight never happened.” 

“...Never,” He agreed, before reaching up and pulling her back down into a kiss. He buries his hands in her hair, grinding up against her. He kisses her soundly. 

She shivers, pulling away. Her breath is hot in his ear as she whispers, “Checkmate.” 


End file.
